Communication can take many forms. But some of those are dark. And intimidation is undoubtedly one of them.
Intimidation is derived from the verb “intimidate”, which means to make someone timid. Per its definition, it’s a style of interaction or communication that focuses on manipulating others for one’s own advantage. It can often cause fear, stress or even a sense of danger for the recipient. It’s unethical and sometimes even illegal, especially when it’s sexual, racial or attempts to abuse the other person.
But before we go deeper, I would like to clarify that here I won’t focus on the extreme forms of intimidation that may well have criminal consequences but rather on the more indirect ones. We often encounter those in politics, but you probably have also experienced them in some social setting, such as your workplace, a family gathering or personal relationships.
Let’s look at some of the most common intimidation tactics.
Common intimidation tactics
Intimidators usually use, consciously or unconsciously, some common tactics or behaviors that attempt to make their counterparts submissive through verbal communication, body language or psychological tricks.
Some common intimidation tactics are:
Unwanted physical contact
This can include anything from pushing, shoving, grabbing, poking, or extensively touching someone.
Example: In 2017, former Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe visited former US President Donald Trump at the White House. The uncomfortable 19-second-long handshake between the two leaders was a demonstration of dominance from the former US President, who also repeated the same move with other leaders.
Passive-aggressive behavior
This involves subtle or indirect expressions of hostility, such as continuous sarcasm, backhanded compliments, or intentionally failing to fulfil a commitment.
Manipulative behavior
This involves manipulating someone into doing something they don’t want to do, such as giving up their personal information or making them feel guilty for not accepting something. Emotional manipulation also falls into this category, and it’s one of the most common forms of intimidation.
Reinforcing a stereotype
This tactic plays on existing stereotypes, such as sexist, racial or others. However, it’s not a direct verbal abuse or threat but rather a subtle comment, move or decision.
Example: In 2021, the President of the European Commission, Ursula von der Leyen, and the President of the European Council, Charles Michel, visited the Turkish President, Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, and Foreign Minister, Mevlüt Çavuşoğlu. But after they met, Erdogan and Charles Michel seated themselves on the only two chairs available in the room, leaving Ursula von der Leyen awkwardly standing before she decided to sit on a sofa, despite having the same authority as Michel. The diplomatic incident is now known as “Sofagate” and is widely described as “sexist”.
Withholding information or resources
This is when someone withholds information or resources necessary for another person with the intention of demonstrating power or control.
Causing fear
This should not be confused with direct threats, although the outcome can be precisely the same. Usually, the intimidator has some kind of leverage over the recipient. The less known the leverage is to others, the more successful the tactic.
Example: In 2007, former German Chancellor Angela Merkel visited Russian President Vladimir Putin at his home in Sochi. During the discussion, Putin called his black Labrador into the room despite Merkel’s fear of dogs.
Gaslighting
This involves manipulating someone by making them question their own thoughts, memories, and beliefs. This can make the victims feel confused, helpless, and uncertain of themselves.
Signs of intimidation
Before solving an issue, you need to identify it. That’s why I should mention a few signs which indicate that you feel intimidated by someone.
Those include:
- Avoidance of certain situations and people
- Anxiety in certain situations and around certain people
- Lack of confidence to speak up and tell your opinion
- Passive body language (crossing arms and legs, downward look, avoidance of eye contact)
- Speaking quietly
- Feelings of inferiority towards certain people
- Being too agreeable
- Sudden aggression (this is most common towards family members)
Of course, these are not one-size-fits-all rules. People react differently when they feel intimidated, also considering their unique personalities. However, it is essential to keep those signs in mind.
How to deal with intimidation
Dealing with intimidating people is challenging.
But although you can’t change other people, you have the power to change yourself.
So, here are 10 ways that can help you deal with intimidation:
1. Identify the source of intimidation
That’s the first step. Ask yourself why you feel this way towards a specific person or situation. What is the root cause of the problem? Identifying the reason can help you address the issue.
2. Change your inner dialogue
Epictetus said, “You are hurt the moment you believe yourself to be.” This essence of Stoic philosophy is invariably helpful in facing your feelings of intimidation because we often suffer more in our imagination than in reality.
3. Create a safe space for yourself
If you don’t already have one, you need to establish a safe and supportive environment where you can express yourself without fear or judgment. This space should include everyone with whom you are comfortable spending time.
4. Practice your assertiveness and build confidence
You won’t overcome your feelings of intimidation if you don’t become more assertive and ready to speak up. Use “I” statements, and don’t be afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Also, you can build your confidence by focusing on your strengths and accomplishments and working on activities that make you feel good about yourself.
5. Prepare before interacting with someone who intimidates you
If you are aware of certain people who make you feel intimidated, prepare yourself before meeting them. Plan what you want to say to them, and promise you won’t keep anything to yourself.
6. Surprise your intimidator
If certain people intimidate you, they may already be aware of it. And they may like it. So, give them something to think about the next time you encounter them. Say or do something unexpected.
Example: I mentioned Donald Trump and his awkward handshakes before. It was a way for him to reassure that he was in charge. However, the roles switched when he met the French President, Emmanuel Macron. The surprise was successful (watch how Trump first tries to loosen the handshake and how Macron keeps eye contact).
7. Use humour
Humour always breaks the tension, so use it whenever possible in social interactions; especially when you feel intimidated. In that way, you make yourself seem comfortable and not worried. Pro tip: Don’t be afraid to make fun of yourself.
8. Get into the position of your intimidator
That can be applied to most social interactions, but it’s also helpful when you feel intimidated by others. “Humanize” themselves and ask yourself why they act like this. What could be the reason? Do they have deep insecurities, or are they just in a bad mood?
9. Work on your body language
Our body language usually happens unconsciously. But the truth is that you can practice it. “Fake it till you make it” works here. So always try to stand up straight, keep eye contact, and maintain a relaxed posture without “shrinking” yourself when you sit down.
10. Reach out for help
If you become overwhelmed with frequent feelings of intimidation, it’s good to ask for help and consider professional support from a therapist. They can offer guidance and help you cope with the situation.
Conclusion
Constructive communication involves respectful and open dialogue, active listening, and seeking understanding and mutual benefit.
Intimidation does not belong in this category since it focuses on manipulating others for one’s own advantage and can cause fear, stress or even a sense of danger.
That’s why it’s crucial to identify common intimidation tactics that people use and deal with them effectively and early on.
I hope the solutions offered here will help.
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Let’s connect on LinkedIn: Christos Vachtsiavanos | LinkedIn
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What are some common intimidation tactics?
Common intimidation tactics include unwanted physical contact, passive-aggressive behavior, manipulative behavior, reinforcing stereotypes, withholding information or resources, causing fear, and gaslighting.
Is intimidation a crime?
Intimidation can be considered unethical and, in certain circumstances, illegal. The legality of intimidation depends on the jurisdiction and the specific situation. For instance, intimidation that involves threats of violence, stalking, or harassment may be considered criminal behavior. However, it’s important to note that not all forms of intimidation are illegal. In some cases, such as in certain workplace or personal interactions, intimidation may not be against the law but can still be harmful and unacceptable.
How can I recognize if I’m being intimidated?
Signs of intimidation include avoidance of certain situations or people, anxiety, lack of confidence, passive body language, speaking quietly, feelings of inferiority, being too agreeable, and sudden aggression.
What are some ways to deal with intimidation?
Effective ways to deal with intimidation include identifying the source, changing your inner dialogue, creating a safe space for yourself, practicing assertiveness, preparing before interactions, surprising your intimidator, using humor, getting into the intimidator’s position, working on body language, and seeking professional help.
How can I build confidence and assertiveness?
Build confidence by focusing on your strengths and accomplishments and working on activities that make you feel good about yourself. Practice assertiveness by using “I” statements and expressing your thoughts and feelings without fear.
When should I seek professional help for dealing with intimidation?
If you feel overwhelmed by frequent feelings of intimidation or struggle to implement the suggested strategies, consider reaching out for professional support from a therapist who can offer guidance and help you cope with the situation.
